I Need A Little Christmas

What a crazy, mixed-up, messed-up year it’s been. So much has changed that I can’t even catch my breath most days. About the only thing I’m certain of these days is that my family is remarkably resilient and absolutely amazing. Oh, and God is good, all the time. I’m also certain that life got in the way of keeping up with this blog the way I had intended.

A little recap, if anyone is interested. Spring trip with my sister to NC to see Shinedown….canceled. Summer of concerts….canceled. Whiskey Rebellion Festival….canceled. Covered Bridge Festival, Apple Festival, Pumpkin Festival….canceled. Christmas parades….canceled. Trans-Siberian Orchestra Christmas concert….canceled. See how this is going?

Once upon a time, what seems like forever ago, I used to lead a pretty busy life. It seems like there was always something coming up or going on that needed my attention. Enter the pandemic. Quarantine, shut-downs, and a “new normal” have absolutely rocked our world this year. Financially, physically, mentally, and emotionally, this year has taken a toll on me. I’m ashamed to say I’m not at all where I expected to be. I had such great plans, and I don’t think I’ve accomplished a single goal I set for myself. I couldn’t even manage to keep this blog going. The truth is that I’ve been in a pretty dark place for far too long. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Some days it’s brighter than others, but I just can’t seem to gain enough ground to step out into the sunshine.

It saddens me that far too often we are afraid to admit that we aren’t ok. And you know what? It’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to need help. It’s ok to ask for it. It’s ok to be upset when things aren’t working out the way we want. It’s even ok to cry. All emotions are valid, and all deserve to be expressed. The important thing is to keep pushing forward. Get up, be brilliant! If I’m being honest, this year has been full of more days where it’s been a struggle just to get out of bed than I’d care to admit. I’ve spent countless nights in tears because I feel like I’m letting my family down. I’m disappointed in myself. But, I keep going. I keep pushing on. I search for encouragement every day. Often it comes from my family’s constant reassurance that I am none of the things I fear. My fantabulous Pastor has spent more minutes than I ever expected simply allowing me to cry and then said something profound that I’ve tried to hold onto…he told me he didn’t see a woman who failed, but rather a woman who has faced some difficult times and simply refuses to give up. 💪🏼

Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. The lights, the music, the decorations, the Hallmark movies, the shopping, the baking…Christmastime has always been the peace I need. Sounds crazy since I’m usually running myself ragged, but I love it. Baking is therapeutic for me. Hallmark movies allow me to escape to a world where things work out and happy endings are a dime a dozen. An evening spent staring at the Christmas tree and listening to Bing Crosby and Nat King Cole just calms my soul. This year is different. It’s difficult. I’m struggling to find that peace.

There’s a Bebe Rexha song that gets stuck in my head called Count on Christmas. “Doesn’t matter if the year’s got you feeling down. Just remember in December what is coming ‘round…You can count on Christmas.” Well, that’s just what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna count on Christmas. Hopefully the Christmas spirit is strong enough to pull me out of this funk.

This Christmas, I pray that you will find the peace the season has to offer and the hope that the future will be bright.