My Addictions

September is National Recovery Month. Every September since 1989 has been dedicated to celebrating those in recovery and promoting evidence-based treatment to end substance use addiction. Recovery-focused events happen across the commonwealth of Pennsylvania as well as the country. It is a monthlong celebration of hope, a recognition that people can change their lives and break the addiction cycle. I am honored to support those in recovery and celebrate their accomplishments. It’s no small feat to get clean and sober.

I have been blessed beyond measure. I led a fairly sheltered life growing up in our quiet little neighborhood. I never saw drugs, or evidence of them for that matter. No one ever offered them to me, and they never appeared in my Halloween pumpkin after a night of Trick-or-Treating. Now alcohol was always around, but my curiosity never got the best of me there. Probably because I was allowed a taste, or “just one finger” of whatever was being consumed around me. Also, I was a good kid. My parents said don’t drink, don’t smoke, and don’t do drugs…so I didn’t. I’m 44 years old, and to this day I’m proud to say a cigarette has never touched my lips. I’ve never popped pills, smoked crack, or shot up heroin. I was always afraid of the consequences, mainly my dad’s hand across my face and my mother’s disappointment. Yes, I drink alcohol, but I do so responsibly and in moderation. And yes, I’ve tried weed. It’s not a drug, it’s a plant. But I digress, like my sister often does.

Now, just because I don’t abuse a substance, that doesn’t mean I don’t have my own addictions to battle. Let’s start with the obvious…food. I didn’t end up looking the way I do by not eating. I love food. The taste, the smell, the way it comforts me when I’m depressed, and the way it celebrates me when I’m filled with joy. I genuinely enjoy trying new foods and preparing my favorite meals to share with the people I love. I eat more than I should because I don’t eat solely to stave off hunger. I eat when I’m happy, when I’m sad, when I’m hot, when I’m cold, when I’ve given up, and when I’ve succeeded. I eat because I want the thing I’m eating, not because my body needs nourishing. I don’t do well with diets because I hate to give up the things I love. That is an addiction.

Pens. I’m addicted to pens. I am guilty of buying them when I clearly don’t need them. I have drawers full of pens. All kinds of pens. Also, I’ve never seen a free pen I didn’t like. I want all the pens. I’m only slightly embarrassed to admit that sometimes I have to throw pens away because I’ve let them sit so long that the ink is dried up. What good is a pen that doesn’t write? I guess I better go buy more pens.

Fuzzy Blankets. If you ask me what I want for my birthday, Mother’s Day, Christmas, some random Thursday in September, the answer is always a fuzzy blanket. It drives my husband crazy. I’ve got blankets in my car, in my closet, in the office, in the living room, in the storage unit even!! I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as too many fuzzy blankets.

Tangible evidence of memories. That doesn’t sound as awful as saying I’m addicted to stuff. I am not a hoarder. I throw my garbage in a can, you can walk through every room of my house, and you never have to shove empty water bottles or old fast food bags out of the way to get into my car. Allow me to digress for just one moment. I haven’t eaten fast food since April 12, 2024. 🥳 I’m very proud of that fact. Ok, back to the stuff. George Carlin said we need a house so we have somewhere to keep our stuff. I have a two-story, five bedroom house with a full basement. That’s lots of room for stuff. It’s not just my stuff though. It’s my mom’s stuff, my dad’s stuff, my sister’s stuff, my kids’ stuff, my grandparents’ stuff, my uncle’s stuff…you get the picture. When my kids were young, I saved art projects and report cards, science projects and birthday cards. I saved baby clothes and lost teeth. My daughter says that’s disgusting. She made me throw them all away. She and my son don’t want any of the things I’ve saved for them over the years. It’s hard to throw things out and not feel like I’m throwing away a piece of our lives. That’s probably my worst addiction. But, I’m working on it.

I’m sure there are plenty of other addictions, I’m probably just not ready to admit them. I’ve heard it said that admitting you have a problem is the first step toward recovery. Let me be 💯% clear, I have no desire to break my addiction to pens or fuzzy blankets! In fact, it’s only 101 days until Christmas, so if you need an idea of what to get for me…🤣🤣🤣

In all seriousness, probably the most valuable thing I’ve learned from attending the NA meetings at our church over the past few years is that we are ALL struggling with something or other. Yes, some things are more serious than others, but we’re all just out here living life on life’s terms. Take a lesson from NA….greet everyone you encounter with acceptance, respect, and kindness. Extend the same grace to others that you would want for yourself. Then look in the mirror and speak kindly to yourself. Change isn’t always easy, but it IS possible. Recovery happens every day, and hope is absolutely worth holding onto. Never give up. Keep going.

Thanks for reading. I love you. 💕