One Damn Year

How is this even real? One year ago, I sat with my Mom watching Family Feud, or “the Steve Harvey” as she called it. She ate pork chops and pierogis and told me how she wanted to go to the club on Saturday. She was disappointed when I told her that we did not have strawberry shortcake for dessert. We laughed together. She told me she loved me. Less than 24 hours later, she was gone. 💔

How is this even real? After 25 days of the best she’d been in the last six months, she left us. That really fucking sucked.

I wasn’t supposed to lose my mom at such a young age. I told her I wasn’t done with her. I told her I still needed her. My kids still needed her. My granddaughter would need her. I begged her to hold on a little longer. Then I had to let her go. I had to watch her struggling, and I had to set her free. My dad, sister, and I held her hands as she took her last breath. That really fucking sucked.

I’m a mess. This week I’m emotionally wrecked. The grief comes and goes at the most random times. Things I thought would be hard were ok, and things I thought I’d sail through have been a tidal wave. I didn’t get to see my Mom hold her great granddaughter. She didn’t get to see me turn 45, or her twin pots of gold turn 21. She didn’t get to see my daughter walk down the aisle to marry the man of her dreams. Well, I guess she probably did, but I didn’t get to experience those things with her.

I’m just over here in my feelings tonight. Hug the ones you love. Call your mom. Someday you won’t be able to anymore, and that’ll really fucking suck.

And yes, I absolutely did kiss my mother with that mouth.

I love you, Mom, with all my heart and sold!